Who am I, and why should you care? Great questions.
Let’s take the second question first. Honestly, you might not care. You don’t know me, and I don’t know you. But maybe I have something interesting to say. This blog is mainly a diary of my life as I question my gender identity and tread lightly down the path of transition from male to female (MTF).
Who am I? I am in my late 30s, married, and I have two young children, For the last six months, I have been actively questioning my gender. There seem to be more teenagers and 20-somethings that post their transition experiences online, but I have been hard-pressed to find older people, or those who have been in relationships, to share their experiences. If you are in a similar boat, maybe my sharing will be of interest. Maybe not. But I feel I need to get my thoughts and feelings out to the world to someone other than my therapist and my transgender support group, so thus, this blog is born—even if I am the only one who will ever read it. I have few close friends, and there are very few family members left for me to lean on, which makes my support circle on the small side. I hope this journaling will hopefully be a good outlet for me.
As I said, I am married. However, my wife does not support my questioning and possible (probable?) transition. In fact, she is very much against what I am doing because she does not want to be with a woman, even though I contend I am still the same person inside. While my kids have not seen me dressed in women’s clothing (other than costumes at Halloween), I do not fear their reaction. I am always fearful of my wife’s reaction to anything I do related to transition.
So, that’s the first entry. My primary goal here is to get my feelings out to an anonymous audience. In the process, maybe I can share so things from a point-of-view that is not as documented as other MTF cases. I’m not a teen, but I’m also not elderly. I didn’t know I was trans all my life (I likely suppressed those thoughts); the realization came to me recently. I am married. I am questioning. And HRT looks like it’s in my near future. Sound interesting? I invite you to stick around. If not, then I am OK talking to myself.