It’s been a little while, but my wife and I finally had another big fight.
On Sunday, we had an impromptu discussion over lunch where she reiterated that she wasn’t interested in being with a woman and that she did not support my decision to pursue transition in the slightest. That put me in a very down mood for the rest of the day and into the next. I was pretty quiet on Monday morning, and she asked if I was mad. I responded that I was not mad, I was sad. She then laid into me, basically insinuating that I didn’t have a reason to be sad because I was the one choosing to destroy the family. She insulted me, and I ran out out the house. Luckily(?), I had a therapist appointment later that day, where I vented a little, but I didn’t really get much help into what to do next.
After hours of texting with my wife, she admitted that she stills loves some of my qualities, but she has a hard time seeing that good in me because she is in so much pain and constantly angry at me. She went to bed that night without a kiss or an “I love you.” No “I love you” the next night, either. The past few days have been OK, and I think she is trying more to focus on the positives, but the roller coaster of emotions continues to be stressful.
I wish there was more Significant Other support in the world. Yes, there are a few resources, but while transgenderism affects only a small percentage of the population, and even smaller subset of SOs are affected, and the resources they need are few and far between. I feel for her. I really do. I know what I am going through is causing great pain. However, I know that these feelings are strong, and I need to explore them. I just hope that these fights happen less frequently, or someone’s rope is going to break, and there won’t be a marriage or family to save.
That would truly make me sad.