In 2015, an excerpt of my blog was used on an autogynephila blog as an example of one who “hypnotically cultivates a ‘female gender identity’ based on the most blatantly paraphilic superficialities [one] can imagine.” The excerpt was described as “delusional, disturbing.” I will not link to the blog that excerpted me, but if you are reading this message, you likely followed a link from there to here.
This is my response.
What is autogynephelia?
In short, autogynephelia is the idea that transgender individuals have a propensity to feel sexually aroused by the idea of impersonating, becoming, or being another gender. Specifically, autogynephelia focuses on people assigned male at birth being erotically charged by the idea of becoming a woman. Thus, the idea of gender identity is considered void because the basis of transition is sexual in nature. Those that subscribe to this (debunked) theory, therefore write off transgender women as nothing more than a man playing dress-up for the purposes of masturbatory fantasies.
The basis of my transition is not sexual in nature.
Contrary to what the autogynephelia blogger judged of my life from my writing, my questioning phase and ultimate transition were not sexual in nature. At the time of the post, I was trying to figure out if I was really transgender or if cross-dressing would be enough for me to end my questioning. As a part of that discussion, I mentioned how I felt about the limited experiences I had wearing women’s clothes and how I was jealous and envious of women. The autogynephelia blogger cherry-picked an excerpt that focused on these points instead of taking my blog as a whole. I was accused of women hating and being a “case study” in gender identity. That judgment of my personality could not be further from the truth.
I am a lover, not a hater.
I have never been a woman hater. I have always supported feminism with an open mind and heart. I am not jealous of how women act or perform sexually, as the blogger may assume. My main point of emphasis is related to the ability of a woman to become pregnant, give birth, and feed their children. My desire to want to have that experience (certainly not a sexual experience!) sets me apart from a majority of other transgender women. I have strong connections to motherhood, but my biological inability to have these experiences will forever make me sad. As far as my treatment of other women, I have always treated women and men with equal respect, and I empathize with the plight women have historically faced. My friends and family can fully attest to the golden nature of my heart.
Sexual arousal was not a significant reason in my decision to transition.
The blogger insinuated that my story could be used as a case study for how men form a female gender identity based on “paraphilic superficialities.” A link to an explanation of that terminology reveals an assessment to determine if a person is autogynephilic. The questionnaire asks how sexually arousing 22 different activities are to an individual. Anyone who has read posts outside of my excerpted cross-dressing post can easily determine that my questioning and transition had very little to do with sexual arousal. I used my blog to detail my thought process and record my journey. While limited cross-dressing contributed to my decision to transition, it was not the end-all-be-all reason. The blogger unfairly used this particular writing to pass judgment on why I was transitioning, label me as an autogynephile, take the opportunity to intentionally misgender me, and attempt to discredit me.
Every transition story is different. This is my story.
I invite all, no matter how you encountered my blog, to read my story to understand my questioning process, how I transitioned, and the state of my current life as an authentic transgender woman. Please read with an open mind and without bias—and certainly not through the lens of autogynephelia, which plays no role in my story or in the story of most transgender women. Also, read other transgender stories for similarities and differences.
Final Thoughts
Educate yourself. Gender dysphoria is real. Transgender people are valid and need to be recognized and accepted for the beautiful, courageous people they are. Further, they should not be demonized, deadnamed, or felt invalid. My words on the autogynephelia blogger’s site were used out of context, without conversation, and inflict harm. Please stay and read about me—as long as you come with an open mind. Transitioning and gender identity come down to so much more than a simple erotic need to be female. The reasoning why a certain small percentage of the population is transgender is multi-faceted. Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep loving and accepting each other.
A Dreamer's Transition: Transgender, married, parent, coping... 