Motherhood Success on a Short Staycation

Two weeks ago, I took a week off of work to stay home with the kids while my wife took the youth group that she leads on a mission trip. The “staycation” revealed many positive things.

For much of the summer, my wife has been stressed. Not only has she had to continue her part-time work, but she has also been home with the kids while they have been out of school. She never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but she has been effectively forced into that role because I have a 40-hour job and her work schedule is more or less flexible. Circumstances and finances dictate our current arrangement. At least when the kids are in school, she gets some time in the day for herself (or work), but life is more complicated when the kids are home, too. I understand how difficult the task can be—especially when she has a tendency to get easily frustrated.

I have been frequently accused of not understanding her frustrations but that could not be further from the truth. I have a ton of respect for those that stay at home and even more for those that juggle a job at the same time. This includes my wife. However, she does not recognize my feelings. In her mind, I don’t get it.

I was not exactly happy about taking a week off of work because she had an event, but those are the sacrifices a family makes, and I made no complaints about the situation. I requested the time off of work without incident at the beginning of the year, and that was that. One week home with the kids. As the staycation approached, I began to look forward to the opportunity. I have felt very detached from the children lately because by the time I get home from work, there is generally only time for dinner and bed, which only leaves me about two hours to touch base with them on a daily basis. No time for homework. No time to catch up on what’s going on in the school. Being deeply connected to my children and my role as a mother, I find it difficult to have limited access to the children, but I need to work. The family continues to struggle to make ends meet.

I wanted to make the week special. I had grandiose ideas of taking a day trip somewhere. But then, I took stock of the bank accounts and those visions were DOA. Still, I was determined to have a fun week with the kids. Instead of driving to a far off place, we kept it local. we attended the nationally-televised championship game of the Intermediate Little League World Series, celebrated my son’s Little League trophy day, and drank free root beer floats for National Root Beer Float Day (who knew that was a thing?). We went to the park. We saw friends. We played games (tabletop air hockey was a crowd pleaser!). There was plenty of fun.

At the same time, I performed a minor miracle in our house: I got a 9- and 6-year-old to clean the living room! Anyone who has ever been in my apartment can tell you about the atrocious clutter, and I was determined to take a big chunk out of it. On most days during the week, I set aside some time to clean, breaking the project into small chunks, and by mid-week, we had a living room where the kids could actually do somersaults (if I let them) and lay out a sprawling set of train tracks. The cleaning project turned into something special. My daughter even wanted to keep going!

In one week, I was able to accomplish fun AND productivity without major meltdowns by either of the children. I was proud of my success. I reveled in the role of stay-at-home mom. If finances allowed it, I could totally see myself raising the kids full-time. Of course, until a financial angel finds me, that will not be reality. Even after my wife and I finally separate, I will still need to work and childcare will become a necessity.

Things were not perfect. I had to miss out on two activities I had planned for myself because I could not acquire childcare. That is just a taste of the challenges that will face me in the future as a single mother, but it is not an unknown factor. This week just served as a reminder of how important planning will be when I am solo.

Part of me thinks my wife wanted me to fail this week. To have me drop the ball would have been validation to her that I did not fathom her daily challenges. Instead, I may have made her feel jealous or resentful that my week went so smoothly. I try not to worry about conjecturing her thoughts, but based on her complaints in the past, I would not be surprised. No matter, I took the week as a win, and I was happy to re-establish some connections with the kids before they returned to school and I to work.

What did the week ultimately reveal to me? I am a good mother even though I cannot always be home with my children. I am an effective leader and role model. I am not harming my children, as some anti-trans rhetoric may have you believe. They are well-adjusted and accept that they have two mothers who love them. I will survive our separation and continue to treasure each moment I have with my children, even when they are trying to get under my skin. I am capable and maybe even exceptional when it comes to being a mother. I am not ashamed to admit that I rocked this week and plan to rock single motherhood when the time comes.